I wish to create a place of complete understanding and balance within myself.
Or maybe I should say; I wish to be completely understanding and balanced as a whole.
I do not wish to be influenced by fear, but by truth and compassion, and by clarity of sight.
This world is terrifying. This make-believe society and human world-view are terrifying and destructive.
I do not wish to be a part of it, but I do not see a way out. I am not really a part of society right now, but I depend upon people who are, and this is not fair to them, nor is it going to change anything. How can I ask for change, hope for change, dearly, dearly want change if I do nothing to oppose the thing that disturbs me?
I've hoped all along to create world of beauty and kindness around my family and myself in safety and cooperation, but as I grow older, this hope seems more and more unrealistic, though I find that much of what human beings call "reality" is entirely made up by them anyway. Why should I accept and integrate into a world I do not agree on or even like?
I'm finding myself torn between this God I pray to and speak with, and a hopelessness in my heart that is a response to the hopelessness I see in this world and whispers "How could any god exist and allow all of this pain and hardship to be imposed upon people deemed weak by the arrogant, delusional "strong"?"
This adulthood, this "growing up" has created a strange duality within my being, a push and pull of high, heart-felt ideals and new, incredibly disillusioning glimpses of the world I live in.
I crave quiet from my constant thinking, and balance in the wild pendulum of my heart.
I keep thinking over and over; we must have a place in nature, in ecosystem and earth and the balance of life. And I keep thinking; Why have we lost it?
(An article I read this morning that contributed to things already on my mind and heart: activist post.com "Civil disobedience or death by design" . Not terrifying as some things are, for it is not actually an exclamation of "oh no we're all going to die", but a call to action and empowerment, and brings attention to the things that people in power are imposing upon this world.)
Or maybe I should say; I wish to be completely understanding and balanced as a whole.
I do not wish to be influenced by fear, but by truth and compassion, and by clarity of sight.
This world is terrifying. This make-believe society and human world-view are terrifying and destructive.
I do not wish to be a part of it, but I do not see a way out. I am not really a part of society right now, but I depend upon people who are, and this is not fair to them, nor is it going to change anything. How can I ask for change, hope for change, dearly, dearly want change if I do nothing to oppose the thing that disturbs me?
I've hoped all along to create world of beauty and kindness around my family and myself in safety and cooperation, but as I grow older, this hope seems more and more unrealistic, though I find that much of what human beings call "reality" is entirely made up by them anyway. Why should I accept and integrate into a world I do not agree on or even like?
I'm finding myself torn between this God I pray to and speak with, and a hopelessness in my heart that is a response to the hopelessness I see in this world and whispers "How could any god exist and allow all of this pain and hardship to be imposed upon people deemed weak by the arrogant, delusional "strong"?"
This adulthood, this "growing up" has created a strange duality within my being, a push and pull of high, heart-felt ideals and new, incredibly disillusioning glimpses of the world I live in.
I crave quiet from my constant thinking, and balance in the wild pendulum of my heart.
I keep thinking over and over; we must have a place in nature, in ecosystem and earth and the balance of life. And I keep thinking; Why have we lost it?
(An article I read this morning that contributed to things already on my mind and heart: activist post.com "Civil disobedience or death by design" . Not terrifying as some things are, for it is not actually an exclamation of "oh no we're all going to die", but a call to action and empowerment, and brings attention to the things that people in power are imposing upon this world.)
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