Underlying Emotion

I feel too deeply
My heart hurts today
I am tired
My bones are too long
and heavy and hard
Break down
Break
Break
Break

A beak on my face,
Everything is too hard to touch
Everything is brittle
And solid
The world is stone

My heart wants out
My soul wants away

But where would they go?
I have no idea
I am sick of wordless
Substanceless aches and longings

Structure is too constrictive today,
Physicality and materiality
Too much to stand

I feel stuck
Can't get out,
But why should I want to,
And once again,
Where would I go?

Pushing myself out of my own head,
Out of this world.

There's got to be something deeper,
Larger,
Brighter,
Darker.
More beautiful?

Set my heart free,
Freer than it has ever been.
Oh God
My God
Hold you to my heart,
Grow you bigger and bigger

Nurture and nourish the idea of you
Have you,
Need you,
Love you,
Create you.

Friend father mother sister brother lover child.
Mine and theirs and your own
His and hers
Its.

What's wrong with me?
Want to possess you,
God,
But what good would that do?

Away
Away
Away

How am I supposed to plan for the future when I'm doing all I can think to to escape this world?

I feel too deeply,
My heart is too raw and tender
I am vulnerable.
Maybe this isn't even a bad thing,
It's better than not feeling.
But my heart hurts, and I forget to live.
I forget to keep going,
And so I am set back.
But maybe the things I get set back in aren't even truly important to who I am
What I need to become
Where I'm meant to go.

Why do I feel so deeply?

I'm sensing a daily afternoon cycle. Starting between eleven and twelve, and ending who knows when.

What is going on?

God, what's going on?
What what
Why?
Please Help me to understand.

Two years ago I had an unidentifiable yearning, this year it found a word, "want", and lately it has become "I want out, I want out, I want out"

Afternoon tidal cycle
Waves creating and crashing
Going back out to sea
They're still there,
Just not in sight;
In mind.

Angels on the wind

Looking for my heart on tumblr, strange how I so often seem to find it...

On a walk

Nearly full moon, but not quite. Tomorrow's the official full moon, I'm thinking a moon dance will be in order.
(yeah, I know, graininess galore, but this time it's not blogger's fault...)

Sunsets and Clouds

Hope it's not too overwhelming...

Then we did, Then we shall

Then is a very interesting word, it exists both in the past and the future. But it doesn't really work in the present, it's like a bridge over and between tenses.

Beauty

I believe everyone is just that beautiful and more.

The Ten Things I'm Grateful For This Thanksgiving

1My family
2The Gs, Dreamer and Kathryn, Raven, and Sea eyes
3God
4Discovering the song in my heart
5My progress
6Orson Scott Card
7Love
8Writing
9Travel
10You, my love, you.

Sunshine Sister

My bright butterfly-
Blue and yellow sister

The most beautiful word in the
World,
Say it slow and sweet
Cherish it even more
Than you would
The word
'Lover'

She flies,
I can see her

Her interactions with others
Are so spontaneous,
So open and
Beautiful
So easy and carefree

I am so happy for her
In her easy coexistence with the world,
In her nonchalant wander-flying

Existence fits her perfectly,
Beautifully
Suits her light
And smile

My bright-butterfly
Blueyellow
Sister.

Falling

Slow descent into the universe

My dog is old,
No longer can he go on long walks with me,
Or play in small streams while I converse with god on a bridge.

His eyes are pleading-black,
His body weak and uncooperative.
His mind may not even be all there anymore.

I miss him,
And I wish He could live forever,
But not like this.

Organic

Found both the rocks at the San Rafael Swell, the leaves I can't remember.
All the colors and textures look rather cool together, though.

Deep breath

Mark your ankle with a black star
In the hopes of finding the pain
Of telling the one you love
You love him

Wear yellow
To match the hope of the sun burning bright
Forever
In ignorance of these small, human aches.

Square your shoulders against
The fire within
As your heart rages like a black beast
Caged in ice.

Take a deep breath
And find the peace you so wish would stay forever,
Catch hold of it tight,
Peace is like the slippery man of the sea as he changes shape.

Continue to live
Even as your old self begins to die
Mark your ankle in black ink
In the hope of fastening a string from your heart
To your brain.

Raging Fire, Flickering Flame (Symbols) [I'm mostly fine, so don't worry]

Burning up from the inside
fire in my eyes that I've managed to hide
Nobody wants to compromise
When the fire fades,
I'm the one who dies.

Too Young To Complain

Years and years and years
Pass away,
Fly away,
Slide away

I have no fingers on my hands,
Otherwise I would be able to catch hold of
Lingering strands as the rope of
Time slips past

Seasons and seasons and seasons
Turn away,
Spin away,
Die away

It was still Summer just yesterday,
But today the ground has been draped in white,
And I've been thinking of gingerbread houses
And what I will give this Christmas to represent my heart

Hours and hours and hours
Gallop away,
Run away,
Hide away

They leave me standing here,
My head in a whirl from the lingering traces of memory
From faded years ago
And bright, fresh yesterday

Untitled #365

I really amn't any sort of a good poet
I don't know how to make all the stories
Of life bleed together, mingling and mixing
LIke many watercolors on a wet page.

Light and Slow Spinning

Escape

Uneasy in life
A heart made slippery,
Escape artist from a wooden birdcage,
Wings all encompassing
But not enough to truly liberate.



And the funny thing is, my heart became light once again after I had written this

Warm

I read number three, recognition bloomed and my heart stopped.
My heart is there, laid bare, like it's always wished to be.
Warmth between my ears and in my throat and throughout my ribcage, even though today has been so cold.

Sunrise