Melodies

One of these days
I'm going to watch
a sunset from a rooftop,
A full moonrise in the desert,
A rainstorm from a lake.

Mostly Sunsets

Remembering

I miss catching Miriam's eye from across the room and exchanging quick grins. Her smile used to catch me by surprise, but it was contagious and open, so I smiled back.
In a way, Miriam taught me how to smile. To smile is to share your inner joy with the world outside of yourself, whether or not if there is another person to receive and return that smile.  
Sharing is a way of multiplying happiness, exponentially. To see the joy you yourself feel, in another's eyes, is truly rewarding. 
It doesn't seem like a lot of people really understand this concept, we are taught to share as children, but we learn to do it because we have to, children aren't really taught the true beauty of sharing.  It takes a while to realize that sharing really is more fun than not sharing. 
Do we forget this as adults, or does school train it out of us? Sharing, somehow, somewhere, becomes a reluctant act. It doesn't only apply to things, our possessions, but also to our thoughts and feelings. We don't really share ourselves, our true selves. The inner light that yearns to shine forth but instead gets shoved into the closet in favor of a false light. 
Miriam wasn't afraid to share that inner light, perhaps she never learned not to share it. Her smile was like the sun, I often think of the song "you are my sunshine" whenever I think of her and her beautiful family. 
I miss catching Miriam's eye from across the room and exchanging quick grins. Every person you meet and come to know and love changes you in some way, I used to be frugal with eye contact and my smile, but now, the best thing in the world is to catch someone's eye to see their face light up. 

Six Today

Slowly catching up with the present.

Compassion Revolution

Wouldn't that be nice?
Just a thought from me mum and Raven.
Quite a while ago, in fact.

Just a Thought

Why did becoming civilized make us forget how to heal?

Elliptical
Orbit around you; so close
Then so far away

Patience

What was stolen may come 'round
What was lost may may be found
Full circle is a complex shape.
Jul 10 11:12 pm

Struggling to Articulate

Pathways in memory
Recorded in the mind, but experienced in the physical world,
Walking among the ghosts of our past selves
On the paths we've taken, consciously or not,
Thoughtful or ignorant.
Sometimes I'll stumble upon my own pathway of thought,
And sometimes I watch the people in my past dart and weave in the yard of my present,
The two never quite mingling,
Like a projection upon a white sheet in the wind.
I remember a night in the daytime,
Many children of varied ages where now there is only one small girl,
Wild-haired in the sandbox.

Half of conversation is remembering,
Half of the world forgetting.

Storms and Anvils

Some clouds and sunsets for your enjoyment :)

Who am I?
I feel almost like a different person when I'm deliriously happy from when I'm down on the world.
Is there an undercurrent of sadness? Or is my contemplative self too critical and demanding?
I'm still me when I do stupid things, I'm still me when I'm happy and loud. It's not like I always have to be thoughtful and quiet, I can be both, perhaps even at the same time.
To be detached, but still involved; down and dirty with time and events. I want to plunge my arms into the used wash water that is the world, but something holds me back; I'm a Stargirl, but I can't say the things I want to say, can't seem to do the things I want to do.
I am learning; on a journey, if you will. Evolving, growing, living. Learning so much about the world and people and the force I call god, though I'm searching for a better name.
Who am I? I'm me, always me, even if that never really stays the same for long.

Mum Says it Looks Like Some of Dad's Art

I embroidered the bottom of a skirt I'm not terribly fond of not long ago. I like it better now.

I get it

"Could you try not aiming so much? […] If you hit him when you aim, it'll just be luck. […] You'll be glad if you hit his marble - Ira's marble - won't you? Won't you be glad? And if you're glad when you hit somebody's marble, then you sort of secretly didn't expect too much to do it. So there'd have to be some luck in it, there'd have to be slightly quite a lot of accident in it." ("Seymour" 8.9)

Days>Nights

You know you're happy when real life is even better than your dreams.

Bittersweet Anatomy

           My bones are sparkling,

Starlit

Diamond,

Lit on ethereal, white

Fire.

The world shines from within,

Far away as a star,

But coming closer every day;

Hazy,

Blurred blue

And merged with my very being.

My heart is made from feathers,

Lemon juice,

And velvet,

Palpitating,

Yearning.

Bleeding and loving,

Whole and hollow

And overfilled

With every face I have

Ever laid eyes on

And a few I haven’t.

You are there,

I promise.

My limbs are thin,

Long,

Twigs.

Fragile and distant,

Intertwined with

Heartstrings and individual,

Fleshy hands.

My fingertips bud with

fragrant, infant-delicate roses,

curled, and blush-pink,

nestled among orange and saffron,

flickering flames.

My skin is pale silk,

easily torn and vulnerable,

clinging to a diamond-fire

           skeleton.

My mouth and throat

Burn with a hunger for

Knowledge and affection,

My eyes flash with visions

Of a face,

Or faces,

That I do not know,

But search for with

Winged heart,

            And flaming fingertips.

Ribbons of thought

And feeling

Grow

From my ribs

Connecting with

The Earth

The Sky

The Sea

And the spirit of all.

I search for you,

Even as I find you

Already within my

Heart

And

Bones.

Come to me,

Child,

Lover,

Dear one of a thousand hearts;

I remember you

Some Happy Thoughts from the Happy Box

Subject: A roller coaster for Amoniel.
Listening to and watching an incredible piano video on YouTube, my heart soaring, doing the [emotional] yoyo all through the video. Better than any roller coaster I've ever been on.
8/7/12

I am just happy right now; I got everything I need to done, my dresser's clean, Princess is all ready for bed and tomorrow's Independence day! We have one thing we're definitely going to do and a few others we might.
7/3/12
*Hey, full moon tonight.*

Subject: Camping at the lodge.
Last night, hiking in the dark with the big kids and J. and B., camping out in the open. Watching the stars and seeing a comet!
7/23/12

Sunshine and Smoke

(Six is a good number.)

Sunbeam, from The Sun

"It might be a good idea if the various countries of the world would occasionally swap history books, just to see what other people are doing with the same set of facts."
Bill Vaughan

Pretend

Anybody know what the meaning of life is?

My heart feels like a slack tangle of directionless string.
I've felt the knots before, but this is different, a knotted heart is anger, frustration, and all around crankiness; a loosely tangled string-heart is much more despairing, helpless and clueless. Denoting a lank, fractured view of the world. Don't know why or how or when or where, but you still have that wanting.
It's like nothing is real, nothing matters. This reality is so superficial and hollow feeling, like a teetering tower of empty cardboard boxes. We made this world, and it's un-making us.

Quagmire, Quandary, call it what you will.

I find myself wanting to return to facebook two weeks earlier than I had really planned. I've missed it much of the time I've spent away, though it's not like I ever actually went into (haha) withdrawal.

I miss talking with my friends, and being connected with my family. I also have a ton of photos I want to post, and a few I really want to share with certain friends. facebook is such a diverse and expansive world, there's so much I can do with it, so much I haven't been able to do all summer, though I've been able to do other things instead.

I wish to return early, though I also find myself hesitant about doing so, almost like to do so would be to fail a promise I made to myself. Like reactivating my account before school starts would be cheating.
Back and forth, a debate between feelings and reason, ha. We'll see how this goes, maybe I can prolong a decision for so long that before I know it, school will have started and my problem will have been solved!

Just a thought

"Anger is not the imbalance, it is the symptom of imbalance"
-Nemo Ruess

Come to court

Playing come to court with our best friend, many hours already spent in his presence, over the course of a weekend, though we only camped one night.
I sit in my closet, crouched in the space behind my two plastic bins. I hear doors slamming, feet pounding, and small voices calling.
Hy is it, we're playing come to court, and they still haven't found me, though voices and feet now draw close.
"Hola!" Hy yells, I am found, and I am reluctantly drawn from behind the bins.