Subjectivity vs. Objectivity

I've hit the most annoying instructive and almost pious streak with my poetry lately... I'm having a hard time with flow and imagery. No matter what I write, it turns into this condescending lesson I'm preaching to myself, I won't let myself be in my own emotions.
I'm feeling very irked about the whole thing.

I understand why; I'm trying to turn stuff around and learn from whatever it is I'm experiencing, but I'm just not letting myself feel, in so many ways.
I've done this before, there was this one year when I was somewhere in between eleven and thirteen, I felt like I couldn't feel anything, as a result of trying to get a grip on my temper, but I was going about it in the wrong way. I wouldn't let myself really feel anything. I got over it after a lot of discussion with my parents, but things tend to loop over and over again in my life.

I need to stop trying to force things upwards, I need to just be where I am, who cares about the future? It'll take care of itself in time, but I don't have to keep reminding myself.
I can be where I am without feeling like I have to change, but with a willingness to change when the time comes.

I've been feeling almost sickened by my own upbeatness.
My optimism isn't really true, it isn't earnest, it's flimsy and lackadaisical, and it isn't really thought out. It's a way of avoiding my problems and emotions... A premature ending to a story that I'm just barely beginning to explore and understand. I've been going through the motions of problem solving, without actually, truly solving anything.

Funny, the things you figure out when writing.