Mum Says it Looks Like Some of Dad's Art

I embroidered the bottom of a skirt I'm not terribly fond of not long ago. I like it better now.

I get it

"Could you try not aiming so much? […] If you hit him when you aim, it'll just be luck. […] You'll be glad if you hit his marble - Ira's marble - won't you? Won't you be glad? And if you're glad when you hit somebody's marble, then you sort of secretly didn't expect too much to do it. So there'd have to be some luck in it, there'd have to be slightly quite a lot of accident in it." ("Seymour" 8.9)

Days>Nights

You know you're happy when real life is even better than your dreams.

Bittersweet Anatomy

           My bones are sparkling,

Starlit

Diamond,

Lit on ethereal, white

Fire.

The world shines from within,

Far away as a star,

But coming closer every day;

Hazy,

Blurred blue

And merged with my very being.

My heart is made from feathers,

Lemon juice,

And velvet,

Palpitating,

Yearning.

Bleeding and loving,

Whole and hollow

And overfilled

With every face I have

Ever laid eyes on

And a few I haven’t.

You are there,

I promise.

My limbs are thin,

Long,

Twigs.

Fragile and distant,

Intertwined with

Heartstrings and individual,

Fleshy hands.

My fingertips bud with

fragrant, infant-delicate roses,

curled, and blush-pink,

nestled among orange and saffron,

flickering flames.

My skin is pale silk,

easily torn and vulnerable,

clinging to a diamond-fire

           skeleton.

My mouth and throat

Burn with a hunger for

Knowledge and affection,

My eyes flash with visions

Of a face,

Or faces,

That I do not know,

But search for with

Winged heart,

            And flaming fingertips.

Ribbons of thought

And feeling

Grow

From my ribs

Connecting with

The Earth

The Sky

The Sea

And the spirit of all.

I search for you,

Even as I find you

Already within my

Heart

And

Bones.

Come to me,

Child,

Lover,

Dear one of a thousand hearts;

I remember you

Some Happy Thoughts from the Happy Box

Subject: A roller coaster for Amoniel.
Listening to and watching an incredible piano video on YouTube, my heart soaring, doing the [emotional] yoyo all through the video. Better than any roller coaster I've ever been on.
8/7/12

I am just happy right now; I got everything I need to done, my dresser's clean, Princess is all ready for bed and tomorrow's Independence day! We have one thing we're definitely going to do and a few others we might.
7/3/12
*Hey, full moon tonight.*

Subject: Camping at the lodge.
Last night, hiking in the dark with the big kids and J. and B., camping out in the open. Watching the stars and seeing a comet!
7/23/12

Sunshine and Smoke

(Six is a good number.)

Sunbeam, from The Sun

"It might be a good idea if the various countries of the world would occasionally swap history books, just to see what other people are doing with the same set of facts."
Bill Vaughan

Pretend

Anybody know what the meaning of life is?

My heart feels like a slack tangle of directionless string.
I've felt the knots before, but this is different, a knotted heart is anger, frustration, and all around crankiness; a loosely tangled string-heart is much more despairing, helpless and clueless. Denoting a lank, fractured view of the world. Don't know why or how or when or where, but you still have that wanting.
It's like nothing is real, nothing matters. This reality is so superficial and hollow feeling, like a teetering tower of empty cardboard boxes. We made this world, and it's un-making us.

Quagmire, Quandary, call it what you will.

I find myself wanting to return to facebook two weeks earlier than I had really planned. I've missed it much of the time I've spent away, though it's not like I ever actually went into (haha) withdrawal.

I miss talking with my friends, and being connected with my family. I also have a ton of photos I want to post, and a few I really want to share with certain friends. facebook is such a diverse and expansive world, there's so much I can do with it, so much I haven't been able to do all summer, though I've been able to do other things instead.

I wish to return early, though I also find myself hesitant about doing so, almost like to do so would be to fail a promise I made to myself. Like reactivating my account before school starts would be cheating.
Back and forth, a debate between feelings and reason, ha. We'll see how this goes, maybe I can prolong a decision for so long that before I know it, school will have started and my problem will have been solved!

Just a thought

"Anger is not the imbalance, it is the symptom of imbalance"
-Nemo Ruess