One day at a time, even the days that do nothing but make the inside of my ribcage itch; even those days are worth it. The days where I want to do nothing, nothing but disappear and possibly melt into a ball of apathy and laziness and terror and quit thinking and caring and worrying and wondering about the future. I suppose that even those days are worth it. I've learned that on the whole, the good out-weighs the bad, even if the good is or seems to be so long and far in between. There's so much small good interspersed within the overwhelming bad.
But today I don't wanna anything. I'm dragging myself through the sludge of hours by my fingernails, every cell quailing against every single responsibility and requirement. When did I get so self-centered? I want to change, but I don't want to change. I want to change, I'm so bored and tired and apathetic, and i really, I'd rather be happy and have fun, but I don't want to change because it's scary and it would require work and trying and I really just don't want to do anything. I'm bored, but I don't want to do anything. Even writing seems a little like a waste of time. I feel like everything's a waste of time, but I can't figure out what isn't a waste of time. Tug of war, I suppose.
The thing is, I won't feel like this later, most likely. I might feel like this again, it's a possibility, but I won't feel like this later. Who shot me on Marvin's wavelength with the empathy gun or whatever it was called? Not fair.
Ehh, it'll pass. It always does. But what do I do when or happens again? What do I do to prevent it from happening again?
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