Attempting to Articulate

I've got this concept I want to write about, but I really have no idea how to word it, it keeps turning into a list of things in my head, but I really want it to be more articulate and complex than that. 

Isn't it weird, that we can know things but not be able to put them into words? That kinda says something about our heads and hearts and the language we've chosen and created. I mean, there's so much more to thought and communication than simple words and letters, so much more behind that. I think in feelings and colors and sounds and images, moving and still, though I also think in the written and spoken word a lot. My head is an interface, a whole other world that I explore. 

People communicate in so much more than just what they say, there's body language and touch and tone, and yeah, I think on some level there's this undercurrent of pure heart language, a sort of telepathy. 

I don't really know how much of that does or can travel on the written word, especially with digital communication, and maybe that's why I'm having such a hard time articulating this concept I've been carrying around in my head for a week, telling myself all about it. In my head, it's more than words, it's also images and memories and feelings. So when I try to translate it into words, it's like the skeleton of a leaf, none of the color or depth or mass of a whole, growing leaf. 

Guess I'll just explore and think about this idea for a little longer before I actually try to write it out. 

Musings

Life as battle or quest? Or something else entirely?
Life as battle, war; everything is won or lost, everything is a struggle and a fight, an upward climb and tearing of the heart and soul and flesh. You can only ever conquer or fail, pulling yourself up a cliff's edge by your fingernails and teeth, crashing down onto the rocks below when you falter and lose your grip. Life as some great thing you must win, only one pathway, only one right. Inflexible, binding and restrictive.

But life as quest, a wending pathway of discovery, exploration, learning and seeking, is a beautiful living. Then life is stream and pathway and wind about your ears. Then you can shine and love and really see, really understand, and understand that, honey, you're really never going to get it all, and that's perfectly okay. Life as quest; life as play and happiness, life as learning to be with sadness, tears as rain on the ground, nurturing growth and further beauty. Being in emotion, all emotion, acknowledging and allowing it. Life as flowering, a great opening up and unfurling and shedding color and light. Giving, not taking. Creating; not only destroying. Life as pulse, wave, flow; up and down and back and forth.




Rumi;
"Great lions find peace in a cage.
But we should only do that as a last resort.

So those bars I see that restrain your wings,
I guess you won't mind if I pry them open."

And Hafiz;
"How did the rose ever open its heart and
give to the world all of its beauty?

It felt the encouragement of light against
its being, otherwise we all remain too
frightened."


If I let it be, and don't try really hard to fit it all together, it will fall into place in its own structure. 

Fire and blazing light, comet cutting through the dark

(What I wanted to write but couldn't until I sat on the clean front room floor that clear afternoon while mom was asleep and everyone else was away. The most beautiful things are born in stillness.)

You are the brightest piece of gold I've ever found in life. 

Shedding stardust everywhere you go. 

I follow, starving. 

You are one of those things I want to get all over myself and my memory, better than mud or berry-stains or scratches on my arms from collecting and stacking wood for the winter. 

You make me burn bright, you're not the only, but you are the best. I guess that's why I run away sometimes, it can be too much for me to handle, and before, I hid it. But now I don't, and maybe you see. 

I can feel you (wings) on and between my shoulder blades, and deep in my heart. You make my heart burn low and superheated and dark, then explosive supernova. 

I haven't really let myself fall, plunging into the depths of the universe, you, but I'm tottering on the edge, and you're beckoning. 

I'm raising my arms, spreading my fingers, feeling the wind. 

I want to fly with you

Expansion

Cut me open and pour me out
onto the ground,
I will flow into Earth's veins,
and become a single note in a blackbird's song,
a single drop in a misty rainstorm,
a single hair on a new baby's head,
and a single cell in a dog's eye.

Mindy Gledhill - Anchor

Came across this song on a random blog the other day. I heard it/watched the video ages ago when I found a newspaper article about Mindy.
The first time I watched it, I was terribly inspired to go around wearing dress-up wings all the time, but that never happened, *snerk* I did once, though; I found a pair of old wings I made for a Halloween costume then handed down to my little sister and just wore them one day. Can't remember whether that was before or after I saw this music video though...

You know how kids will go around wearing the funniest things in public, like tiaras, spiderman costumes, fairy wings and capes? I think that'd be kinda fun, just whenever you feel like it, pretending to be someone else, or perhaps, becoming a truer self. Why be so boring and normal all of the time? 

October Fly on the Porch

Oh look at how beautiful they all are,
why come down when I can watch, detached,
unobserved and alone.
But they're absolutely lovely, and yeah, I want to be them-
all and everything,
And here I am,
watching,
seeing,
Wrapping my heart around them,
wings behind my ears like fingers and hands.
Wry smile, silly,
Maybe someday I will break in half, I don't know,
I swear I'm not torn,
just a little too expansive sometimes, and terribly ADD.

Dancing Around the Nothing (Not entirely sure I'm all here sometimes, but the funny thing is, that doesn't bother me)

Can I be the water,
or even the wind between my fingers?
Would existence be any easier then?
Not that it's terribly uncomfortable, just,
sometimes it doesn't fit me,
or I don't fit it.

Can I be the rain on my nose,
can I be the breeze skipping through the leaves?
Can I be the ground underneath my feet?
Or perhaps nothing but the motion of
my longboard curving from side to side?
Can I be the sound of life whispering
from every atom of every cell of every stone?
Can I be the act of seeing and doing
purposefully in true faith?
Can I be your voice and your eyes and your hands?

It's just that I kinda want to be everything,
but who's to say I'm not already,
or that I haven't already been many times before,
and that's why it's all here inside of me,
responding to the light of everything outside.

And this is all so very soft, but I don't want to be always or only a jagged edge--
because I'm not.


I imagine that someday it'll all make sense,
it'll all come together,
I'll have the ability to really understand and communicate it all,
I'll finally see the overarching plot to, maybe, everything, but now
I look back, and I can see a series of arches, then to there, then to here, there to here
Beginning, middle, end of something eternally. 

Photo essay of a sort

(Click on the last three to make them bigger. One of these days I'm going to have to figure out how to get a template that's friendlier with photographs...)

Namaste y mae govannen to every and all

• Beauty in everyday life, spontaneous and immediate. If you wait, it will always come, heartbreaking and eye-opening. I am always a little bit less blind than I was before. 
• Yo, my best friend and love.
• My lovely, still growing family.
• Every single one of my siblings, adopted, blood, and soul-relatives.
• All of my friends, which usually translates into siblings.
• Fantastic food and teamwork.
• Snow.
• Music, musicians, and musical instruments. Also, the music of the natural world in all senses.
• Memory. 
• Writing.
• Doctor Who, in all of it's complexity and simplicity, intertwined duality. Funny, beautiful, heartbreaking.
• Enlightenment and transcendence, the unattainable, ever-won quest and weave. 
• Emotion and expression, creativity and god.
• Skin.
• The space between the ears, all at once infinite and perfectly encapsulated. 
• Life, always

Follow the numbers

Looks like somebody got a hold of some chalk... (Not me, I just followed the numbers)